How to Handle your ADHD Too-Busy Brain During Sex 🤯

Does your husband love giving head but you're too stuck in yours to enjoy it?

He's set the mood, is more eager than a beaver and loveeees pleasuring you, but the problem is YOU - you can't settle your mind or your busy brain long enough to actually connect with the sensations and enjoy the licking, sucking and probing he's dishing out. (& boy is he good at what he does... 🫠😮‍💨)

 

But surely you can't push his head away because that would be the biggest ego slap ever..!

 

So what do you do? Keep on trying to force your brain to relax, when actually the more you do that the tighter you feel you're wound and the harder it is to actually receive bliss and enjoy the experience (& dare I say pleasure..)

 

Kinda like saying don't think about the pink elephant then thats legit all you can do - think about the damn pink elephant.

 

You cravveeeee the ecstasy that is the big O he gives you - but over the years your brain seems to have filled up and now that seems soo much further away, less obtainable...

 

DO YOU:

a) FAKE IT or

b) Wait long enough before shifting positions to pleasure him instead.?

 

It's a tough toss up... You obvs don't want to hurt him but can't really see a delicate way to manage things..

 

Ok let's unpack it a bit -

There's a few things going on here so let's dive in.

You're brain is too busy to enjoy yourself - so you need to lighten that load a bit, but also the fact you're not telling your husband what's going on for you is also a problem.. speaking from experience working with a tonne of couples - your husband will think he's the problem and you're not attracted to him any more. His first through most likely wont be that you've got soo much on your plate you can't relax and enjoy the sex he's dishing out.

 

Here's your game plan!

Introduce the weekly check in - you know i bang on about this all the time and it's for a good reason, it's the template for epic communication and you NEED this if you're going to start talking about what's stopping you from enjoying all the fun you want to be having in the bedroom.

It's the framework you need to start having deeper, more vulnerable conversations, asking different questions and really listening to each other without judgement. These are the essential ingredients for GREAT conversations with your partner and for even better connection during sex!

 

Empty your brain - this one is probably something you've heard a bazillion times before from all sorts of people but it's seriously super important. I'm not saying for a second it's going to be easy but it's worth it (& if i do say so myself, a constant work in progress....) Here are a couple of things I do to close down some of the tabs in my brain --

• Reading fiction, yes i'm a lover of erotica (currently reading Birthday Girl by Penelope Douglas & enjoying it..). If you say you don't have the attention span or the time to read, I challenge you to give it another crack. Even if it's 10 minutes alone in the backyard, or in the car after dropping the kids off.. make the time because it's integral to your mental health. Perhaps try a different genre - pick up one of those old Archie Comics if you want something super light 😉
  
  
• Phone notes, Probably one of my fave go to options because then i know the thougths are captured and i can come back to them at another time. That way i can remind myself when my brain circles back to whatever the things is, "Yep Courtney, you've written that down so you don't forget - it will be there in the morning when you're 'back on' work mode and can do it then".
  
  
• Yoga - I'm sure you all know i'm a big fan of Yoga, it's epic at moving your body, stretching things out, challenging you and basically shifting your energy around enough you can then settle your mind into a blissful Savasana. Saying your brain is too busy for Yoga means you need it even more! Emptying your brain takes practice! So it wont come naturally for you until you work at it, some of us need to work heappppps more than others at it, just last week it took me 45 minutes in a 60 minutes class before my brain slowed down, just a tad!
  
  
• Share the load - seriously ask for help. Yeah I know this isn't something that comes easily for us independent babes but we need to! Get a cleaner if this is what bogs down your brain, ask your mum to watch the kids so you can go to a fitness class, write down the things you want to achieve and be super honest with yourself about what's reasonable in the timeframes allocated....

 

Stoke your relationship fire - to avoid unintentionally damaging your relationship whilst working out how to balance your mental load, remember to show your partner the love you feel. To make this feel like more of a habit and less like a thing you need to remember or intentionally think to remember do this! 

• Set a PASSION ALARM - whether or not your a morning coffee gal like me, or love your celery juice this is a habit you can stack with whichever your morning bev is. Imagine this: every morning, while you wait for your coffee to brew, or your pouring your green glass of smelly wee goodness - you send your partner a flirty text or compliment. It’s the ultimate habit stack—you’re already waiting for the caffeine boost, so why not boost your partner’s confidence while you’re at it? It’s a playful reminder that they’re on your mind even before your brain kicks into gear. It can be as simple as "Hiya sexy" to "I love the way your body cuddles up to mine each night". Send the first thing that comes to mind!