Nov 18, 2024

Can lack of sex ruin your marriage?

What's cooking good looking?! - just trying a new intro here... happy to hear if it doesn't float your boat 😂

This week I saw a client i've been seeing for a few months and they said the bloody sweetest things about our sessions i just had to blush - then of course share with the world because it was so damn nice to hear (& they told me it was ok to)!

SEE HERE - if you haven't seen the post i'm talking about you can check it out here.

Anyhoo, the ducks guts of it were that they had seen such improvements to not only the way they are able to talk to their spouse but also how they feel within themselves! Like their thoughts and feelings about enjoying a sexual relationship was actually available to them and they didn't have to feel shame for wanting to improve things, or chat about things or learn different ways of doing things..

What initially brought this client into my office was massively mismatching libidos - think wanting sex every day (multiple times if that was an option) vs happy to never have sex again. Worlds apart!

It's not an easy path to navigate when it seems like one of you has to compromise on what you're thinking/ feeling and wanting.

& no one wants a pity fuck (not more than once anyway😉)

Sooo the big question on everyones mind is WTF do you do when you have a serosuly different sexual need to your partner!? How do you find a common ground?! How do you both keep your relationship connected

- I'm not a gatekeeper but i'm also not going to give you alllll the keys to the castle with this because everyone has different values and I tailor my approach to each individual - it's not a one size fits all kinda deal when we work together.

Here's the starting point I recommend - create a solid environment of communication - when someone wants more sex than the other it can create friction because the partner who wants sex feels undesirable, rejected, not worthy etc - and the other party feels this and often then feels guilty, ashamed, not enough and might even contemplate 'letting' the higher sex drive partner go and seek sex elsewehre to balance things out..

The answer you don't want to hear...
Yes - different interests in sex can absolutely destroy your marriage, like any major health concerns, left untreated it will be a disaster. & that's what not getting sex can feel like, a major hole in your wellness and emotional +physical needs.

I don't want this blog to be your wet blanket or doom & gloom so let me give you some things to help navigate the waters of polarising interests in sex so your marriage doesn't end up in the toilet.

THE TIPS

🗣️ Work on your communication - talk about what you need to build intimacy, what connection you need, how you feel the most desired in other ways, what works and what doesn't, how you can support each other in all the ways you can..

🧠 Work on yourself, is there something stopping you from desiring sex as much as your spouse? Beliefs you might have? Conditioning? Less than impressive sex in the past? Not getting your emotional needs met? Unpack these things to see what's blocking you from building physical connection...

💦 Pleasure yourself, relying on your partner for EVERY orgasm isn't healthy - it's also not sustainable and can create unnecessary stress in an already highly charged environment. I'm not saying masturbate all day erry day to relieve the build up of sexual energy (unless thats where your needs are at & I say you do you boo), but i am saying explore new and exciting ways to explore your sexual needs and arousal - eg, toys, lube, locations....

Start simple ⤴ that's what we did with the client I mentioned at the beginning of the blog.

Going all intense and overhauling everything isn't a sustainable strategy - so start with communication. Figure out what it is you're both missing, where the disconnect is reallly stemming from and what you need to help bridge that gap before it becomes a disastrous hole you don't know where to start with.

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BOOK a call now if you're chasing 1:1 verrrrry personalised support.
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🤍Court